I never saw it coming, I could hear the pitter patter of the rain as it tapped against the small living room window, each beat radiated through my body as if preparing me for some magical dance with tinker bell. I could feel the sensation of short breathes that etched across the fine tiny hairs on my arm and move down the center part of my spine. Slowly blinking to adjust whatever light I could conjure up to brighten the intense gloom that blanketed dark shadows of nonexistent images in my head. I cried because I never saw it coming.
Depression is a serious medical illness, it persists and interferes with your everyday life. It’s a disorder of the brain, and it has a verity of causes, including genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors that can occur at any age. Depression is caused, either by a chemical imbalance in the brain, traumatic event, or a reaction to a stressful situation in your life. The detrimental impact of what we wear, see, touch, and how we feel, creates barriers that try to protect us from psychological disaster.
Wrapped in a cocoon of deception, the lies I told myself, “It’s ok, you are just imagining things, you are overreacting, and prayer will fix it.” Mere imagines of my reflection gazed back at me through the beautifully framed mirror, revealed the beauty of my eyes, the cute button nose that slightly flare on each nostril, the fullness of my lips that disclosed years of smile lines in the corners of my mouth. The tears that formed in my eyes and made their way down my cheek to rest in the crevasses of my neck. Drawn from the memorized picture, through my visual smile, I cried because I never saw it coming.
Yale University confirmed that depression shrinks your brain and research further suggest that when a person is depressed there is a lack of protein in the brains structures which affects our ability to think logically. This observation suggests, the longer a person struggles with depression, the more shrinkage their brain endures. It has also been confirmed that when a person is suffering from a depressive disorder there is a greater risk for physical diseases, such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. This silent killer will cause us to feel isolated and alone. Unfortunately, despite how common depression is, there is still a lot of stigma around it.
The mask provided an illusion that hides the captured moments of hidden disperse, fear, low self-esteem, heartache, emotional and mental pain. My mask crafted and purposefully designed to fool the very elect, including me. The mask that remained my shield of honor helped me to remain calm, never let them see me sweat, and don’t forget and please remember to pencil in any flaws that will show the world that you are less than perfect. “That Mask.” What a travesty! Depression found its way into my life through the unconscious windows of my soul and just like an unwanted guest, stayed way too long. As a matter of truth, I was totally unaware of its presence in the beginning.
Depression can often be masked with anger, fear, loneliness, hopelessness, pessimism, worthlessness, helplessness, emptiness, suicidal, or irritability.” Depression is a deep sense of sadness and it doesn’t sit well with many people. However, depression is a continuum and should be viewed as a mental illness, it does not make you crazy. Being stigmatized as crazy, is an incredible critical judgment and should be eliminated from the vocabulary associated with mental illness., being crazy is the inability to understand what it means to be human and the lack of compassion needed when life hurts beyond the reality of physical pain.
Signs of depression;
-Increased fatigue and sleep problems
-Change of appetite and weight
-Thoughts of worthlessness and death
-Irritated with everything and everybody
Things we tell ourselves when we are depressed;
-The inability to get out of bed in the morning, only meant that, “I was extra tired.”
-The loss of appetite only meant that, “I was fat and needed to lose some weight anyway.”
-Last night I could not sleep, but that was because, “I slept all day yesterday.”
-It’s ok to eat the whole roll, “I missed a few meals last week, I’m good for it.”
-I don’t want to go to the party, “They don’t like me, so I will just be alone.”
-I am so tired of dealing with all of this, everything is wrong in my life is wrong, “I might as well just die.”
Wrapped in a cocoon of deception, the lies I told myself, “It’s ok, you are just imagining things, you are overreacting, prayer will fix it.” Mere imagines of my reflection gazed back at me through the beautifully framed mirror, revealed the beauty of my eyes, the cute button nose that slightly flare on each nostril, the fullness of my lips that disclosed years of smile lines in the corners of my mouth. The tears that formed in my eyes and made their way down my cheek to rest in the crevasses of my neck. Drawn from the memorized picture, through my visual smile, I cried because I never saw it coming.
Depression is more than a sum of symptoms, the severity of this silent killer wreaks havoc in our life and the lives of family, and friends. It is important to understand the difference between sadness and depression. If you know someone who is suffering, please hold them close. If they are unable to seek help for themselves then it is important you seek help for them. The inability to comprehend and to make sound decisions is a profound reality that the normalcy of life has been altered to a state of delusion that in most cases, “no one cares.” Change the way you react and respond to those in crisis, it might just save a life!
To learn more and get help, please contact:
SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year, or your local crisis line.
Angela S Kennedy
Never give up on your dream.
Make your dream your reality.